Enter the Child
by theCalliope
Summary: After Worf disappears, Dax struggles to raise his child.
1. Chapter 1

"Don't leave," she whispered, running her hands through his hair and pulling him closer.

"You know I would not unless I had to," he responded, and he kissed her softly, drawing it out for minutes as he stroked her face. "I hate leaving," he said, "When I am gone, I can never stop thinking about you, but at the same time I forget how your touch feels. Then when I come back I realize how good it is, and then all I can think about is how soon I'll have to leave again."

"Oh, Worf," she whispered and kissed him again.

"The time is 400 hours," a voice stated. Worf groaned.

"I must go now," he said, "Martok is very punctual." He gave her one last kiss and got out of bed. "I will be back shortly," he continued, "The mission is only routine reconnaissance of the gamma quadrant."

"That's good to hear," Dax declared sleepily, "But I'll miss you anyhow."

"As will I," Worf replied, and stepped out the door.

Dax smiled and wrapped the sheets more tightly around herself. They were still wet. She nestled her head into her pillow, and within a minute was fast asleep.

The first day after Worf left was always the most fun. It was too soon to miss him, and Dax could take advantage of his absence. She started by having chocolate cake for breakfast. It was something she had done once or twice a week before she got married, but then the morning after her wedding, Worf had pointed to her plate and asked,

"What is that?"

"It's chocolate cake-- an Earth food. I thought you would be familiar with it, having grown up there."

"I know what it is. But from what I know of human physiology it is not a very nutritious breakfast. Of course, I am not sure about Trills."

She considered lying to him and saying that chocolate was in fact an essential Trill food group and by eating less than three portions a week she risked severe health problems and even death, but instead she said nothing and stopped eating. The next day, and every day after that, she ate fruits and toast. But today was different, today she ate chocolate cake with impunity. She also wore the uniform Worf thought was too tight, and wore her hair in the style he thought was unprofessional. And when she saw Major Kira, Dax asked,

"I have three weeks worth of "Terrance and T'Pai" I haven't seen yet. Do you want to come over and watch them tonight?"

"I take it Worf is on the Rotarrun?" Kira replied, smiling.

"Of course," Dax said.

"In that case, I'll be there"

If there was one of Dax's habits that annoyed Worf more than any other, it was watching "Terrance and T'Pai."

"I do not know why you enjoy watching a show about a family that only has problems that can be resolved in twenty-two minutes," Worf had stated, pacing as if he found the show painful.

"I admit it is not as good as Klingon Opera," she had replied in a joking tone.

"Not as good as Klingon Opera? It is not as good as Vic Fontaine, it is not as good as Cardassian mysteries, it is not even as good as 'Timmy the Targ Teaser', and I grew out of that when I was six!" he yelled.

After that, Dax saved up the episodes until he was not around.

This week's episode was particularly good. Terrance and his teenage daughter Tina couldn't agree on how revealing a prom dress she should be allowed to wear. Meanwhile, his Vulcan wife T'Pai had no idea what 'prom night' was, and after extensive reading got the mistaken impression that it was when humans selected their first mate. After much argument, Terrance and Tina agreed to let T'Pai select the dress. The episode ended with T'Pai forcing her stepdaughter out the door in the most revealing dress imaginable, despite her insistence that all she wanted to do was dance.

Kira and Dax laughed hysterically the entire episode.

"If you had a kid, would you ever let her wear a dress like that?" Kira asked Dax, "Not the one T'Pai bought, but the one Tina originally picked out."

"If she was responsible, I don't see why not," Dax replied, still laughing. Suddenly, she became serious.

"I have a secret to tell you," she whispered to Kira, "I'm expecting."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I haven't told Worf yet, so don't tell anyone."

"Do you think he'll be okay with it?"

"He'll be thrilled. I just found out that it's a boy, and he really wants another son. I was waiting to find out the gender before I told him."

"He wants a boy?"

"Yeah, he's worried that he, Martok, Drex and Alexander will all die, and then there will be no one to carry on the house of Martok."

"That is extremely unlikely," Kira said with an eyebrow raised.

"I know. But Klingons are strange about those things." Dax put her hands on her still-flat belly and hugged it a bit, "Anyhow, I can't wait until little Kang is born. It's been almost eighty years since I've been a parent."

"You're calling him Kang?" Kira sputtered.

"Well, when I was Kurzon, I promised Kang that I would name my first son after him. It was pretty harmless considering Kurzon never intended to have any children. And now I have to make good on the promise, especially since my son will be a Klingon. Besides, he named his son after me."

Kira just shook her head.

"Do you think I should have told Worf first?" Dax asked.

"Probably," Kira said laughing, "Anyhow, do you want to celebrate by watching the episode where T'Pai gives birth?"

"That's one of my favourites!" Dax exclaimed.


	2. Chapter 2

Two months later, Dax still hadn't told Worf about her pregnancy. It had become a vicious cycle. She would vow to tell Worf the next time she heard from him, but then when they talked, he would say it would only be a week until he was back. She would decide it was worth waiting a week tell him in person. Then she would hear back from him that he was delayed another week.

She started to worry that she was being dishonest. The last time they had talked, Worf had noticed that she had gained weight and complimented her on it. Worf had never pretended to like small women. This had been the perfect opportunity to bring it up, but instead, she had said 'thank you' and changed the topic. Afterwards, she was hitting herself for not telling him.

The truth was, she didn't want to admit to herself that things weren't going as planned. When she had thought about starting a family, she had pictured Worf helping her throughout the pregnancy, setting up the nursery and holding her hand as she gave birth. Dax remembered how when she was Audrid her husband had always made jokes to distract her when she had morning sickness. She also thought of sweet, sensitive Tobin catering to his wife's every whim, feeling every bit of pain as if it was his own. And now she was pregnant and alone, and Worf was out in space, uninformed and defending the empire.

Perhaps, if he came back soon, she could tell him in person, and it would like he had never left. She stifled this thought two or three times a day. What about him, fighting week after week in a starship? Didn't he deserve this little bit of news to brighten his day? And there was no denying that he had a right to know. Dax tried to think these thoughts and kept promising herself that she would tell him next time, next time, next time. Then one day, next time didn't come.

As soon as Captain Sisko let her into his office, she knew something bad had happened. He didn't call her 'Old Man', make jokes or toss his baseball around. Instead, he stood solemnly, just looking at her until she asked what was wrong.

"It's the Rotarrun," he said softly, "It's missing."

"What happened?" she asked.

"No one knows for sure. One minute it was deep in Dominion territory, and the next minute it vanished. No warp signature, no phasor residue, nothing. The fleet thinks it is probably cloaked and adrift."

"Benjamin..." she whispered, trying unsuccessfully to hold back her tears.

He walked up to her and put his arms around her.

"It's going to be okay Jadzia. The truth is that Worf is probably safer right now than he has been at any other time in Dominion territory. So long as no one does anything stupid, they can spend as long as they need to to repair their engines or signal another ship. They'll be back eventually."

Dax tried to picture a ship full of Klingons trapped in Dominion territory not doing anything stupid. She didn't succeed.

Feigning Captain Sisko's optimism, Dax thanked him for the information and said it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She walked all the way to her quarters wearing a big, fake smile and walked in. Mechanically dropping her things, she went into the bedroom. Then she collapsed on the bed, crying.

Jadzia had never realized how much she hated commanding the Defiant until the days after Worf disappeared. Sure, after the first few weeks of ordering her friends around, she had realized that she had no ambitions to be a captain, but she had always found it tolerable, something that had to be done as a part of her job.

Now every time she walked onto the Defiant she felt an uncontrollable urge to cry. She could tell the crew noticed. Everyone was as polite as possible, thanking her for orders and never raising their voice. They were also reluctant to talk to her. Every time she walked into the mess hall, everyone would pretend to be occupied with their conversation so that she wouldn't sit with them. When she did, the conversation would be awkward, as if no one knew whether to bring up Worf or not. Usually, the topic gravitated to something obscure, and the table would spend the whole meal ignoring the fact that Dax was pregnant and had just suffered a loss.

The only people Dax felt she could talk to were Captain Sisko and Major Kira. Unfortunately, nothing they said was of much help. Captain Sisko was so convinced that Worf was alive that talking to him became frustrating. Meanwhile, Major Kira kept telling Dax how brave she was. After these conversations, Dax always wished she felt brave.

Little Kang had started kicking violently, like every minute was too long to wait to get out into the universe. Every time Dax felt it, things seemed bleak. The universe felt so imposing. She didn't want to bring Kang into it.

In the captain's chair, Dax looked out into the stars. She remembered how in the very same chair, Worf had held her after their first night together. They had known that something special had happened, and in quiet whispers, they had planned their lives together.

It had been more fantasy than reality, with enough dreams to fill up several lifetimes, but what was more important was that they had realized that whatever they did, it would be together. As it turned out, they didn't even have enough time for one dream, Dax thought bitterly.

"I did it for you," Dax thought clutching her belly, and she knew her thoughts went not to Worf or to the Gods, but out into empty space. Meanwhile Kang kicked and thrashed, wanting to be free, waiting to be thrust into the world.


	3. Chapter 3

"Benjamin!" Dax shouted.

"Just calm down, Old Man and everything will be okay"

"You've been saying that for three hours now," she yelled, "when is this baby going to be born?"

Captain Sisko didn't think that this was a good time to bring up the fact that it had only been twenty minutes.

"Dr. Bashir's just getting his equipment ready," he said gently, "he'll take you into surgery in a minute."

Dax sat up as well as she could and yelled, "Julian, can you hurry up in there? I haven't got all day!"

Captain Sisko sighed. Jennifer had not been this belligerent when she had had Jake. He was starting to regret volunteering to stay with Dax.

"For the sixth time, I'm working as fast as I can!" Dr. Bashir yelled back. Then, in a moment of inspiration, he picked up a hypospray, walked into the waiting room and pressed it into Dax's neck. Her eyes closed and she passed out.

"There," he said with a note of frustration in his voice, "that will help keep her calm."

"Where am I?" Dax asked.

"In the infirmary," Dr. Bashir said smiling, "and it looks like we have a visitor. Kang, 6.3 kilograms."

Dax squealed reflexively and held her hands out. Dr. Bashir gave her the child. He was adorable, she thought, pale with lots of spots running down his neck and little ridges on his forehead. His eyes were deep blue and he had a few black hairs.

"Well, it looks like Quark got his wish," she said tenuously, "he looks a lot more like me than like Worf." It was the first time she had said Worf's name out loud since he had gone missing. It felt strange.

"Except for the ridges," Dr. Bashir said smiling, "those are very Klingon." He held out his hand and touched them. Suddenly, Kang turned his head and snarled. Dr. Bashir pulled his hands away.

"He has fangs!" Dax exclaimed, and gave a brief smile. She couldn't explain it to herself, but for some reason, she found this discovery thrilling.

"I would even say they are a bit cute," Dr. Bashir responded, turning around to put his equipment away.

Dax felt a warmth inside her that she hadn't felt for a long time as she looked into Kang's eyes. Years of experience with babies told her that he was too young to have real expressions, but if she hadn't known, she would have sworn he was happy to see her. He seemed so calm, and when Dax looked at him, she couldn't help but think that everything might be okay after all. It would be okay, she thought more forcefully. She would make it okay. Looking into Kang's eyes, she knew he deserved at least that.

"Snapping out of it" was a human expression that Dax had heard a few times. She thought it was a terrible thing to say. It completely invalidated someone's feeling to tell them to 'snap out of it'. She was amazed that humans could say something so mean.

That said, after a few hours of caring for Kang, Dax realized that moping for hours a day was incompatible with being a parent, and she would have to snap out of it.

She was woefully unprepared for having a child; she hadn't even replicated a crib. Moreover, she realized she had no idea what to feed a Klingon infant. He wouldn't nurse, and snarled angrily at every type of baby food she tried to give him. Eventually, she found a copy of "The Klingon Child," which suggested drinks of blood and pieces of meat pounded until they were soft. She replicated a bowl of link'ta blood and was relieved to see Kang drank it, albeit slowly.

Dax was pleased to discover that people were less awkward around her after the baby was born. Kang's birth had made Worf's disappearance old news. Whenever anyone saw Dax carrying Kang they would come over to play with him and ask how he was doing. He was good-natured, except when someone touched his ridges, in which case he became adorably angry. Dax started to suspect that people were doing it on purpose.

Dax was surprised at how little she missed Worf. Sure, whenever Kang smiled or sang or did something sweet, she was sad that Worf would never get to see him. And then there was the time Kang cried for sixteen hours straight simply because he wanted to be held. The whole time, she wished Worf was there, partially so he could help and partially because she was sure he would see something heroic in her struggle not to fall asleep or hit Kang over the head with a heavy object.

But overall, Dax thought she was starting to move on. She knew it would be years before she was ready to date again, but for now she had Kang and her friends, and it felt like enough. Strange as it seemed, she felt happier than she had in years. Tobin had felt the same way. Babies had a way of doing that.


	4. Chapter 4

In few months, Dax felt ready to go back to the Defiant. Kang was doing extremely well, developing faster than any Trill child she had ever had. He could crawl around, sit up straight and even eat off a plate with his hands. Toys would amuse him for hours. Dax would always joke that she wouldn't be surprised if one day she woke up to discover that he had made breakfast, taken a bath and changed his own diaper without her. There was no denying that he was taking up much less of her time than he used to.

Dax felt nervous the first time she took Kang to daycare. She had know the daycare attendant, Silith for many years, but she still worried that her son might get hurt or miss her too much. After looking through the window as Silith put Kang into a crib and gave him some toys, Dax walked away reluctantly. Five minutes later, she returned to make sure that Silith knew what to feed him. Silith pointedly reminded her that this had been recorded on Kang's enrolment form, and even if it hadn't, the daycare had a copy of "The Klingon Child" on hand. Dax left again, and then came back with a pile of the diapers Kang usually wore. He was allergic to normal ones. Silith replied that she would have replicated new ones based on the one Kang was currently wearing, so it wouldn't be an issue. She then added,

"Your continued presence here is illogical. I suggest you rid yourself of whatever emotional state is compelling you to stay, and return to your duties."

Dax decided she secretly hated Vulcans. Still, she was glad to be back at work, and at the end of the day, she found that Kang wasn't any different from when she left him. Moreover, Dax had a new appreciation for commanding the Defiant. It wasn't her choice assignment, but at least everyone there spoke comprehensibly and didn't cry whenever they had a problem.

A few days later, Dax was putting Kang in his crib when he started screaming. It wasn't the "I'm hungry" scream or the "I'm cold" scream or the "I've fallen and hurt myself" scream. Instead, it was something completely different, louder and more frantic than anything she had heard before. She went to the crib and tried to pick him up, but he ran to the other end, pushing against it to escape, as if he was afraid of her. Reaching across, she grabbed him under the shoulders and lifted him. He snarled and flailed at her until she dropped him. His nails were sharp and left a bloody scratch across her cheek. He only got more frenzied as he thrashed and pounded at the side of the crib.

Overcoming the shock, Dax realized that something must be wrong with him, and paged Dr. Bashir over the Comm system. He sensed the fear in her voice and came in running.

"There's something wrong with Kang," she said breathlessly, pointing at the crib, "I put him down, and he just went crazy."

Dr. Bashir looked at him for a minute, and them hit him with a well-placed hypospray. He calmed down immediately.

"Just a sedative so that I can examine him properly," Dr. Bashir said, and Dax nodded. He took out a tricorder and started scanning him. As the minute passed, Dr. Bashir began to frown.

"Is there something wrong," Dax asked anxiously.

"No," he said, "In fact the opposite. He appears to be perfectly healthy." Eventually, Dr. Bashir put away the tricorder, looking confused.

"I am going to lift the sedative now," he continued, and pressed a hypospray into Kang's neck. The child opened his eyes as if he had had a good sleep. He was perfectly calm.

"That's so strange..." Dax said.

"Klingons have sensitive noses," Dr. Bashir said, "Did you maybe get close to something he's afraid of and pick up its scent?"

"I don't think so," she replied, "but it's possible, I guess."

"Well, that's the only theory I have right now," the doctor said, "but I'll contact some Klingon doctors, and we can do a full workup if it happens again." Doctor Bashir walked out the door. Kang was already sleeping soundly.

Dax was relieved to see that whatever was bothering Kang had passed over quickly. The very next day, he was as happy and energetic as ever. Three blissful days passed. Dax was glad to go to work in the morning and glad to see Kang when she got home. One night she even snuck out to play tongo once Kang was asleep.

On the fourth morning, Dax was carrying Kang to daycare when she ran into Chief O'Brien. He had Molly and Yoshi with him and was clearly going to the same place. Dax went over to say hello. Suddenly, Kang wrested himself out of her grip. He fell to the ground screaming.

"Are you okay?" Molly asked in a small voice and walked over to him. He bit her in the leg and ran away screeching. Molly began to cry.

"Get Dr. Bashir!" Dax said to Chief O'Brien, and ran down the promenade after Kang. Holding her wound, the Chief picked Molly up and walked to the infirmary. People were staring, shocked by the volume of Kang's screams and amused by Dax's lack of success at catching him. "Like your kids have never misbehaved in public," she thought angrily and continued running. A Klingon man nursing a bottle of blood wine in a corner yelled,

"Maybe you'll catch him in a couple of centuries, herc." Herc meant alien. Clearly this man didn't know she was Kang's mother. A few people in earshot laughed. She wished a brood of children on them all.

"Dax, Dax" she heard Dr. Bashir running up behind her, "Don't bother. I've sent Odo after him." She stopped.

"Was that really necessary?" She snapped. She hated getting yet another person involved.

"I just don't want to risk him taking a header over the guard rails," the doctor replied. He saw Jadzia's face, and said more gently, "Here, let's wait in surgery. I'm sure Odo won't take more than a minute."

It seemed like hours before Odo walked in with the 'young delinquent,' as he called him. Dax bristled when she heard those words, but kept her mouth shut.

"Thank you," she said eventually.

Dr. Bashir sedated Kang as before and scanned him. Then he took a blood sample and went over it with the computer.

"I swear," he said, "there's nothing wrong with him."

"But you did see him this morning..."

"I really don't know," he said more firmly, "I've checked for every known disease. Maybe it's a genetic defect, although I thought I did a good job of resequencing you and Worf's genes before you got pregnant."

"So you aren't going to diagnose his disease because you don't want to admit you made a mistake," Dax uttered scathingly.

"No," Dr. Bashir replied, looking stricken, "I am saying that I've reached the limits of my knowledge and have no idea what is wrong."

"Did you talk to any Klingon doctors?" Dax demanded.

"Yes, and unfortunately all the treatments they recommend involve euthanasia," he snapped.

"This is no time to be joking, Julian."

"I wish I was joking."

Their eyes met, and Dax could see how sorry he was to be saying this.

"What do you recommend?" Dax asked more sympathetically.

"That you get on subspace and see if you can send him to a Klingon hospital. The doctors I've talked to have been very evasive. It's almost as if they know what's wrong with him but don't want to tell me. I'm sure if you use some of you connections, you will find someone who wants to talk."

Dax nodded. She didn't know what else to do.

"Here, let's take Kang back to your place before I lift the sedation," Dr. Bashir continued. Dax picked him up and walked out the door.

Once Kang was safely in his crib, the doctor pushed a hypospray into his neck. The child began to scream immediately. Within a minute, he was thrashing against the side of the crib as hard as he could. Dr. Bashir watched him, looking disturbed.

"I'll keep working," he whispered finally, "I'll go through his genetic profile again. I'll keep working until I find out what's wrong."

His voice sounded very hollow. Dax could tell that he didn't expect to find a problem that could be fixed.

"And I'll talk to some Klingons," she said stoically, leading Dr. Bashir out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

After days of talking to Klingons, Dax was frustrated. Doctor after doctor and hospital after hospital had been unhelpful. Dax disagreed with Dr. Bashir that the doctors knew what was wrong. The trouble was that they considered a child being only part Klingon to be a problem in itself. They always started by suggesting that maybe Kang's behaviour was normal, and she was just too inexperienced to handle him.

One particular doctor broke down and yelled at Dax, "The problem is that you mated with a Klingon! How can you exepct a child to be happy when he has one half that is so strong and another that's so weak? How can you tamper with nature like that and expect nothing to go wrong?"

Dax thought she was going to cry.

"But my husband has another son with a part-human woman, and he turned out fine."

The doctor's expression turned to one of pure disgust. He looked like he was about to say something, but ended the transmission instead.

Dax walked into the nursery.

"Kang," she whispered. He turned around an snarled at her as she tried to get close. Poor Kang, trapped inside that body. She knew her sweet little boy was in there somewhere. If only she knew what had happened. If only she knew how to get him out.

A few hospitals had said they would take Kang, but he would have to travel alone. There were to be no aliens on the surface of Kronos until the war was over. She also couldn't get anyone to agree not to euthanize Kaing if things got dire.

"I'll note your preference on his chart," one nurse had said.

"How about agreeing not to kill him!" Dax had thought back angrily.

She was also worried that if she sent Kang to the homeworld she might not get him back The Klingons were pretty strict about taking children away from their parents if they thought them to be unfit.

"I have tried to get Kang into a hospital, but I have been unable to negotiate a situation where he will not be killed, tortured or sold to the highest bidder," Dax told Dr. Bashir. He looked up glumly,

"I guess there is nothing to be done than to keep looking for a cure. I will let you know as soon as I've found something." The sadness in his face said that it could take years.

In the meantime, Dax adapted. She learned how to pick Kang up. First, she would grab him by his wrists and pin them behind his back. Then, she would swing him over her shoulder so that his face was too far away from her back to bite it. If she held on tight enough, she could get 

him to the daycare, or the infirmary or wherever they were going before he wriggled free. She also programmed the computer to keep a transporter lock on him, just in case.

People became reluctant to talk to her again. Certainly, whenever they saw her carrying Kang they stayed clear, but even when she was alone, they would pretend not to notice her, or exchange only an awkward greeting and run off. No one ever asked how Kang was. Dax guessed that the persistent bite and scratch marks on her face made that clear.

Dax felt angry. Why was everyone she knew abandoning her? She understood that Chief O'Brien was still upset about Molly, and Dr. Bashir didn't want to have to tell her that he hadn't made any progress. But what about Kira and Benjamin? They were suddenly always busy. Kira blamed Odo and Captain Sisko blamed the war. She wondered how they could be such cowards, so afraid of a situation where they didn't know what to say.

But most of all, Dax was ashamed. Ashamed that she had bred such a broken child. Ashamed that she couldn't control him. Ashamed that so many people stared at her as she carried him across the promenade.

She started to hate Worf. Why had he gone off on that mission? Why had he thought that having this child was a good idea? What death could be so glorious that it justified leaving her like this?


	6. Chapter 6

Dax slowly became aware that the Klingons on the station found her situation amusing. They made jokes whenever she passed, and every last one of them knew Kang's name. With so many Klingons on the station, a baby could not possibly have been big news, so she knew they were talking behind her back. She began to agree with Dr. Bashir. They definitely knew what was wrong, but had no intention of telling her.

One day in ops, a Klingon vessel asked permission to dock. When Dax saw the picture on the screen, she gasped. The third officer was her old friend Kor. What he was doing as third officer after spending so many years a captain, she didn't know, but this presented a remarkable opportunity. Of course he would tell her what was wrong with Kang. They had been friends for two lifetimes, and he had never lied to her before.

They agreed to meet at Quarks that night. Dax thought that it would be best if she brought Kang with her so that Kor could have a good look at him. She was pretty sure that if she put Kang in her lap in just the right position, she could restrain him while they had the talk.

Someone had tipped off the Klingons on the station, as when she got to Quarks, there were several tables full of them sitting near Kor.

"We appear to have quite a crowd here tonight," Kor commented as she sat down.

"Yes," she said dryly, "these strangers seem to have taken an interest in my son."

"Your son? You must be having some pretty serious issues to draw a crowd like this," he replied. He looked scathingly at the surrounding tables, and one by one, they began talking amongst themselves and ordering blood wine. Dax looked at him gratefully.

"He's having behaviour problems," she said, "Uncontrollable fits of rage." As she said this, Kang was snapping his teeth and trying to break free from her grip.

"Sounds like every Klingon I've ever met," he said jovially.

"Not like this," Dax whispered, "See how he is now. He's like this all the time. Often he's worse."

Kor thought for a minute. "I wish I knew something that could held. But I have no children and no siblings. I really know less about Klingon children than you do."

Dax looked at him sadly, "But the other Klingons seem to know what's wrong. They always make fun of me."

"No they don't, they just want to show what big strong Klingons they are by making fun of the less fortunate." He said this loud enough that all the surrounding tables could hear. They looked at him.

Suddenly, Kang broke free. He ran towards the tables with the Klingons at them screaming. Then as quickly as he started, he stopped. He looked up at them with an awed expression on his face. For minutes, he just stood there, staring.

"I've never seen him behave so well," she said to Kor, "Usually, he won't stay quiet for a minute."

"You know what I'll do," Kor said, "The nanny that brought me up is working as a gardener somewhere, but I know she misses kids. I'll have her come up to the station, and she can take care of Kang." Dax balked.

"What are you saying?" she demanded, "That I can't take care of my son? That I need someone else to do it for me?"

"No," Kor said gently, "What I'm saying is that you need a break. You look exhausted."

Kor changed the subject, and they spent the evening talking about old conquests and adventures. Dax found the story of how he had been demoted to third officer hysterical. She liked how Kor never refrained from speaking his mind, even at the expense of his career.

Meanwhile, Kang seemed to enjoy his Klingon-watching. Dax had never seen him so quiet. It was almost like he was a normal child that she could let toddle around a restaurant. She suddenly felt guilty for not taking Kang out more. As terrible as he was, he deserved to see more than the nursery and the daycare.

Eventually Kor excused himself, and Dax had the idea to take Kang to a holosuite.

"If he damages anything, you're paying" Quark yelled as he opened it up. Kang's normal behaviour had resumed as soon as she had pulled him away from the Klingons. She turned on her exercise program. Kang seemed to have a good time kicking and scratching every holographic enemy. She hoped that it would use up some of his energy.

Dax felt slightly happier on her way home. She hoped that Kor would send that nanny soon. She could really use a vacation. She thought of what it was like to relax before Kang was born. Before caring for him had become so futile. She could hardly remember.

When Dax walked into her quarters, she stopped in shock and nearly dropped Kang. On the sofa was Worf, sitting as if he had never been gone.


	7. Chapter 7

"What brings you here?" Dax demanded.

"I thought you might want to see me."

"Where have you been?" She said more forcefully.

"In a prison camp in the Gamma quadrant. Who's that?" he asked, looking at Kang.

"My son, I mean our son, Kang."

Worf looked at him more closely. Kang struggled to get out of his mother's grasp.

"He doesn't look a lot like me. Not like Alexander. Are you sure he's mine?"

Dax was stupefied. "No, he's the son of the other Klingon I've been fucking!" she yelled sarcastically, "If you don't believe me, ask Dr. Bashir. He's been analysing Kang's DNA for weeks."

"Why?" He asked finally. Dax didn't know quite how to put it.

"Well, he's been having some behaviour problems lately," she said mildly, "and Dr. Bashir thinks the cause may be genetic."

"What sort of problems?"

"Well, he's angry all the time and sometimes lashes out at people."

To her amazement, Worf chuckled, "Alexander was a lot like that."

"Not like this," she said gravely, "You'll see."

"We can worry about that later," Worf declared "Can I hold him?"

"You can try," Dax said. She put Kang on the floor, and to her surprise, he walked up to Worf slowly, wearing the same expression he had worn when he looked at the Klingons at Quark's. Worf picked him up slowly, peering into his eyes. He looked so calm.

"He's lovely," Worf said, sitting him down is his lap.

"I'll leave you two alone," Dax said, and stomped out of the room.

When Dax returned, Worf was playing keep-away with Kang. He was holding a towel just out of reach, and Kang kept jumping for it. They both laughed every time he fell on his bottom.

"Do you think he knows I am his father?" Worf asked.

"Maybe," Dax replied jealously, "He does seem to behave himself when you're around. Anyhow, it's time for bed."

Dax picked Kang up, and he started screaming and scratched her neck. She dropped him in surprise. Grabbing Kang, Worf wrenched his small arm as far back in its socket as it would go. The child screeched in pain and then started whimpering. Worf picked Kang up and handed him to Dax. He was still sobbing.

"What was that?" She cried.

"Punishment. He will have to learn to mind you as well as he minds me."

Dax tried to think of a way to voice her objection, but gave up. She lay the crying child in his crib.

When Dax got into bed, Worf tried to put his arm around her.

"Don't touch me," she snapped.

"Why are you acting like this?" Worf asked, "If you met someone else while I was gone, I understand." This was unlike Worf to say.

"What is this obsession with other men?" she inquired, "I've been so busy with Kang, I haven't had time to do anything else"

"Even if Kang was conceived the last time we were together, you would have had weeks to tell me before I was taken prisoner. It was a logical conclusion was that he is not mine."

He turned to her and looked directly into her eyes,

"Why did you not tell me?"

She sputtered, "I ... I ... didn't feel ready to tell you. I didn't want to tell you over subspace. I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well, I am surprised," Worf replied, "But why did you not tell me before I left?"

Dax's mouth opened in shock.

"Kang looks too old for you not to have known. You did know before I left, am I correct?" Dax was afraid. She had never seen Worf this angry before.

"Did you?" he shouted. Dax thought the whole station would hear.

She nodded.

"Why did you not tell me then? You know how important this is to me. I would not have gone had I known."

"I told you not to go," Dax said.

"But you were not serious. We both know that. So tell me, what was so important that you risked me never seeing my child? Were you worried I would not leave. Did you not want to miss out on one last vacation from your marriage with Major Kira?"

Dax started crying. "No, no, no," she whimpered.

"Why then? Were you afraid how I would react? That I would raise the child in a way that was too traditional? You could not possibly be worried that I would make you marry me."

Worf's face was distorted in anger and his eyes were searing.

"Do not worry about offending me," he sneered, "I have heard it all before."

Dax just stammered and cried as he looked at her. Worf got out of bed and put his clothes on. Dax noticed his body was covered in scars.

"How could you keep this from me" he yelled, "I really thought that you were different. You make me sick!"

Worf stormed out of the room. Dax didn't bother going after him.


	8. Chapter 8

In the morning, Worf was sitting in the living room with Kang. Dax looked at him for a minute, and then said,

"Do I need to take him to daycare, or are you still on crazy leave?"

"I am on leave pending psychiatric evaluation," Worf retorted.

"Crazy leave," Dax repeated.

"Where have you been taking Kang for daycare?" he asked.

"To the place on the promenade Silith runs."

"Has Kang killed anyone there yet?" Worf asked offhandedly.

Dax stopped and stared at Worf, realizing that like the other Klingons, he knew something.

"Why would Kang kill someone?" she asked breathlessly. The room seemed incredibly quiet as she waited for an answer.

"It is a lot of aliens for a young Klingon to be exposed to. I would suspect he spends most of his time there either panicking or trying to kill the other children. I am surprised that Silith can control him at all."

Dax thought about the time she had seen Dr. Bashir walking into the daycare with a hypospray. She had quickly moved it to the part of her brain where she kept things she didn't want to think about.

"I did say he had behaviour problems, but what was I supposed to do?" she asked, "I have a job. There's a war on. They need me."

"You could have found a nanny, or got into some childcare arrangement with the other Klingons on the station, assuming a part-Trill child would not bother their children."

"But the Klingons on the station just make fun of me. They don't want to help. And I hate the idea of having a nanny, like I don't think normal daycare is good enough for my child."

"You would rather have Kang suffer than look bad?" Worf asked. He sounded angry again.

"No, I didn't say that," Dax answered, "I did talk to Kor. He said he would send his old nanny here as soon as he can."

"That is good," Worf said, sounding surprised.

Dax walked out the door. She was flooded with thoughts. On one hand she was glad that she knew the cause of Kang's misbehaviour, and that it probably wouldn't affect his future. On the other hand, she was jealous of Worf, and worried that Kang might always hate her. Baby steps, she thought finally. Yesterday, Kang had hated her. Today, Kang still hated her, but she knew why. That was progress. Maybe tomorrow there would be more progress.

Dax stayed at Quark's late that night. She convinced herself that it wasn't really abandoning your child when they are happier when you are not around.

"How's Kang?" she asked as she walked into her quarters.

"Asleep," Worf answered. She noticed that the nursery floor was covered in toys, and some programs were stacked in the corner. 'Timmy the Targ Teaser' she read.

"Do you really think this is an appropriate show for a one-year-old?" she asked, "It's pretty gory."

"It's not as bad it used to be," Worf said defensively.

"But Timmy still gets devoured by targs at the end of every episode, right?"

"What shows do you watch with Kang?" Worf asked. Dax could tell it was a loaded question.

"Uh ... we don't watch any shows, but sometimes we go to the holosuite and do the Klingon exercise program."

"And I bet it is gory," Worf said sounding incensed, "And I bet if I asked around, I would discover that Kang has been spending his time in holosuites, and not, say, locked in the nursery twenty-six hours a day."

"I did the best I could with him. You don't know what he's like when you're not around," Dax cried.

"Well, let's just assume that he was so unmanageable that you had to lock him into a room. Did you ever consider giving him some toys to play with or leaving some children's shows running? Because when I looked this morning, there were no toys in the nursery and no shows on the computer. I know that leaving a child in a room with no diversions is a popular punishment used by many alien races, but do you not think that twenty-six hours a day is excessive?"

"It's not my fault," Dax said, "Kang just doesn't like me."

"I wonder why," Worf spat.

That night, Worf tried to touch Dax again, and she yelled at him.

"Why will you not let me touch you?" he asked.

Because I hate you, Dax thought to herself, but said nothing aloud. "You can touch me if you want," she said. Worf put his arms around her. She stayed limp.

Worf was overcome with lust. It had been so long since he had held Jadzia. He was angry with her about Kang, but deep down he knew she had meant nothing malicious by not telling him, and that she took parenting seriously even if she didn't always make the choices he would have.

Half of Worf knew that he should stop and try to reason with Dax, but the other half wanted her so badly. He would just touch her a bit, he thought, and then back off. He ran his hands down her hips and bit into her shoulder. Then he was lost.

Before he knew what was happening, he was pushing inside of her.

"Get away from me, please!" Dax yelled, but he didn't hear her. She bit and scratched at him, but it didn't help. Soon, she gave up and started crying.

Worf finished, and was horrified to see Jadzia's face.

"What's wrong," he whispered, but she just turned over and started crying harder.

"I think you should tell me," he said more sternly. She finally looked at him.

"I don't want another one," she sobbed, "I can't have another one."

"Another what?" He asked.

"Another one of your children," she wailed, and started crying harder.

"I hope you change your mind," Worf said, "But you can have Dr. Bashir remove the resequencing enzymes from your body. It does not mean you can never touch me again."

"It's just that you don't know what it's been like for me since you left," Dax continued, "No one will talk to me or even come near me, because they don't know what to say about Kang. And at the same time, they're all making fun of me, especially the Klingons. And I'm worrying about Kang day and night, and all anyone can do is get embarrassed or laugh at me. And it all seemed so futile, because regardless of what I did, Kang hated me and behaved so erratically that I don't think he would ever become a productive adult."

Worf put his arm around her. She didn't pull away.

"You know, Kang seems to be a lot better already. And he'll learn to control his instinctive dislike for aliens eventually. All Klingons do."

"But he hates me," Dax said, "Whenever I'm in the room, he just tries to get as far away as possible."

"He is young," Worf said, "He is too young to realize that you restrain him because you do not want to be hurt. Too young to realize that you only want what is best for him. But I promise, one day he will forgive you, and he will love you, and you will be proud of him."

"It just doesn't seem fair that he's just met you and he likes you so much."

"Before I left, Chief O'Brien complained to me that although he cared for Kirayoshi for far longer than his wife did, he still liked her better, that all human children prefer their mother. It is not a matter of whether it is fair. It is a matter of whether you can live with it."

Dax held on to Worf gratefully.

"Those scars look pretty bad," she said eventually.

"Done daily by the Dominion," he said.

"That's terrible," Dax said.

"Things used to be so clear to me," Worf said suddenly, "But now I wonder how the Empire and the Federation can tell us to stand up to torture and not break, when it is not them who is being tortured. And I wonder how brave I really am."

"But you didn't break. You were brave." Dax said.

"Well I did not give them state secrets, if that is what you mean. But I did stop caring. In the beginning, I wanted but to escape and get back to you, but in the end there was nothing but pain."

"Oh, Worf" Dax said.

"They broke Martok, you know. When they tried to get him out of his cell, he insisted that he belonged there and would die for the Dominion. They had to sedate him to remove him. He is also on crazy leave."

"I'm sorry I said that," Dax whispered.

"It is of no consequence," he said, "I just have a lot to think about."

When Dax awoke the next morning Worf was already up. She walked into the dining room to see that he had already set up breakfast. There was a slice of chocolate cake at her seat.

Dax frowned. If Worf thought he could win her back through permissiveness, he had another thing coming.

Kang was sitting in his high chair, with a bowl of gagh in front of him.

"Kang doesn't like gagh," she stated brusquely .

"What does he like?" Worf asked.

"Lekker meat." Worf went into the corner and replicated some.

"And I don't usually put him in the highchair. If he starts thrashing, he could fall and hurt himself."

"And then he will never thrash again," Worf replied. Dax felt torn between her disgust at corporal punishment and the fact that it seemed to be working.

Worf walked up to her and held her hands.

"Jadzia," he said, "I just want to say that I am sorry about everything. About leaving you with Kang. About getting angry when I came back. About making you feel that you could not tell me that you were pregnant."

"Why are you saying this?" Dax asked.

"Sometimes I think that you are the only good thing left in the universe, and I really need your love right now. I know you feel I have wronged you, and all I can do is apologize and try to make things right. I will make it up to you. I promise."

Dax's eyes pierced his as she stood facing him, wondering. Wondering if what he said was true. Wondering if anything he said or did could ever be enough.


End file.
